Douze points

So Eurovision is over for another year, congratulations to Azerbaijan {i}. The UK's middling entry got a middling position in the results. Everyone's favourite bequiffed Irish singing duo, Jedward {ii}, confounded many expectations by not winning. Their performance screamed EV-- plus their noterity is widespsread. Then again Dustin The Turkey is another infamous Irish cultural export, and noterity didn't work then.

Anyway what do I know, with my prehensile drivel? {iii}. For there is a new Eurovision guru in town. Forget memories of Sir Terrence and his tipsy tittle-tattle; or the nasal narration of Graham Norton, or even the gentle purr of Ken "one year oot" Bruce on Radio 2.

For we have The Schaf, and his Eurovision tweets. His comment on EV in general? "The excitement is truly euphoric! My head is literally in the Stratosphere. LOL ;)". He's taller than he looks.

If you missed EV, here's Tomasz's verdict thereon {iv}. A disclaimer from the man himself first though: "I'm sure I'll upset a few with rubbish commentary later on ;) LOL". Certainly some familiar phraseology hidden herein (sic, severally)...

> My fave in no particular order: Hungary, Azerbaijan, Russia...and of course UK and Poland (out).
> Yes, my Polish countrymen (ladies) didn't quite sing to tune the other night. Ah well.
> Well I guess Austria is OK
> Like Netherlands, catchy
> Slovakian barbie dolls...it's ok.
> Moldova! LOLOL. Moldova singers reminder me of mental Smurfs.
> Sweden, Thumbs down from me.
> Cyprus. Not for me.
> Well Bulgaria ain't terrible, average I'd say
> Only liked the first 5 seconds of Macedonia!
> Dana! This will be good! Lol Israel...Ding Dong say no more LOL. Good! {iv}
> I've been to Slovenia. Wonderful country.
> there's a lot of legs going on in this Eurovision. Starting with Poland the other day...
> Romania classic lol. It's ok. He got his pants from Jack Black the pumpkin man or was it Beetlejuice!
> Is just me who isn't that keen on Estonia's entry. I see the London Eye behind!
> Latvia. I'm not singing along.
> What song does the Danish entry remind me of? WHAT THE...lol!
> Flamin heck!! #Jedward #eurovision LOL
> Finland: is it just me, or is it plain boring? Its just "ah thats nice" LOL. Thumbs down from me.
> BosniaH: not for me. Thank you LOL. Nice fireworks.
> Jedward Hair Denmark i like.
> Lithuania: its all just Fog Fog Fog. She's only 'just' in that dress LOL
> Hungary: like a storm. Blew me away. LOL ...but, why wasnt there more energy on the stage! No win me thinks.
> Jedward: BBQ SUMMER
> Sweden: WHAT A WASHOUT. like uk Weather.
> Estonia: DRIZZLE...or dribble.
> Greece: A bit unsettled LOL (cold front, warm front?...make ur mind up)
> FRANCE: ...in fact his hair looks like a birds nest? ;) Weather looks nice behind...shame about his hair LOL
> Russia: good job they got the letters the right way round.. electrifying lol
> GEORGIA: oh gawd. It's like forecasting snow...a NIGHTMARE.
> SERBIA: it's all isobars!! LOL. Multi colour!
> UKRAINE: she'll take off into the stratosphere with those shoulderpads.
> SPAIN: like a breeze. Quite liked it.
> ICELAND: what a load of frozen balls! LOL Remind me not to shop in iceland LOL.
> SLOVENIA entry: lotsa warm fronts. Lost count.
> AUSTRIA: if it's not her head in the clouds it's certainly her legs lol..,where do They stop LOL
> ROMANIA entry: its like our like few summers in the UK...r
14 May
> GERMANY entry: off to nowheresville
> Moldova: MUDDY SHITE (sorry)
> AZERBAI'BOTTLE'OF'JAM: warm and sunny, thumbs up ;)
> UK: another BBQ SUMMER...im feeling.
> Switzerland Background: TVam weather? Or maybe 'Sunrise' on SKY? LOL
> ITALIANO: pianful...just like my forecasts that have gone wrong.
> AZERBAI'BOTTLE'OF'JAM: warm and sunny, thumbs up ;)
> I just Lost £10.Finger up to that!! *grunt*

I like the way Tomasz's updates got cheekier as the evening wore on, perhaps Tomasz was following Terry's Wogan's tradition, and having a little party. But then again The Schaf is down with the kids.



Of course there alternative ways of enjoying EV, as Mr Wogan explains, fast-foward to 2:10...



But back to Tomasz, he has a message for his Twitter followers: "Raising a toast to my 6000 followers...many thanks everyone! :)"

PS: Best of luck to Dan Corbett, who is leaving the BBC, and indeed the country! Off to forecast in New Zealand. I believe his last broadcast was on Five Live this morning. A great forecaster, who will be missed from our airwaves. Goodbye, for now...

{i} Clearly EV has the power to accelerate continental drift eastward. I expect Bangladesh to win next year
{ii} I'd miffed, I were Jonathan Grime-- his brother hogs all but one letter of their pormateau name
{iii} "The square root of nothing", you all say in unison
{iv} Hire him *now* as an EV commentator, Beeb! Well obviously not right now, the competition won't be around for another year.