Food for thought

Tomasz has made a much welcome return to the Twittersphere; he apologies for his recent silence, but I'm sure he's been busy with other things.

Firstly he has attended an event organised by Food Network UK, a television channel that describes itself as: The ultimate food destination. Loads of recipes and videos to satisfy your every craving. Watch us on Sky 262, Freeview 49 and freesat 405.

A fellow attendee of the event, was a baker called Edd Kimber-- who took this lovely shot of himself with The Schaf



I'm not sure why His Loveliness was invited to this event {i}: Maybe my notion of yore could be could be coming true, a cookery show with Rustie Lee. I can picture it now; Tomasz showing off his hot perogis, while Rustie cackles anarchically in the background.

In the past couple of days, Tomasz has been keeping us updated on the strong winds over Scotland. Tulloch Bridge in Perth & Kinross recorded a gust of 105mph, while Glasgow Airport had gusts of over 70mph! The highest speed recorded has reportedly been at Cairngorm (Highlands) 165mph-- only 8mph short of the all-time record. I bet that ruffles the feathers of the ptarmigan.

Some wags have named the storm Hurricane Bawbag {ii}, a name that seems to have quickly gained popularity. However, as Michael Fish will tell you {iii}, we can't get hurricanes in this country; just as well, because I don't think Scotland would like 14 inches of rain in one day! (It would bring the midges out)

Tomasz explains:
I see there is some discussion about "hurricanes" and "hurricane force winds". Hurricanes only happen in the subtropics and close to the tropics. It's a term that describes a cluster of spinning thunderstorms about an "eye". The winds which blow inside a hurricane are of "hurricane force".

Hurricane winds blow at least 74mph with gusts of 90mph or more. Today, we in fact, had hurricane force winds in the UK, but not generated by a spinning cluster of thunderstorms (a "hurricane"). The winds today were brought by a mid-lattitude storm which is common in our climate. So, you can have "hurricane winds" but not necessarily produced by a tropical hurricane.

The good news is that the winds are expected to die down a little overnight. However temperatures will struggle to get much above freezing (only 3C expected in my neck of the woods tomorrow), which means blizzards are possible on high ground.

In fact some snow has already fallen across the Pennines; as is 'traditional', the marvellous Tan Hill Inn in North Yorkshire (Britain's highest pub) was cut off by snow yesterday-- ultimate lock-in. Just as well it has its own snow-plough!

Stay safe in the winds, if you're in Scotland.

{i} To help make some dough rise, perhaps
{ii} For those who have not watched Dr Finlay or Taggart, that's a gentleman's scrotal sac (IE "ball-bag")
{iii} And has been doing since 1987

Monocle musings

Good greetings one and all.

A long time since I last updated this blog-- for that I can only apologise-- but tidings of Tomasz have been unforthcoming of late.

However some news of interest, for those jet-setters amongst you. For The Schaf has a job doing weather forecasts for the radio station of Monocle, an off-shoot of the eponymous magazine of all things of chique culture, for people who know Sir Paul Smith from WHSmith.

The weather forecasts are for those glamorous jet-setter locations: Monaco, Zurich, Dubai, Chamonix, Middlesbrough and so on. I suspect its only a matter of time before His Loveliness graces the pages of said magazine itself.

So look out for Tomasz, when you're on your hols....

Precipitation conversation

My suspicions were proven to be founded, when The Schaf appeared on Chris Evans's Radio 2 show {i}, this time in person! Well... on the other end of the phone anyway, as Chris's mystery guest. In this segment Chris has to conduct a three-minute entertaining interview, with a guest unknown to Chris-- until his producer reveals his or hers indentity just before the chat.

Tomasz got off to an enthusiastic start, praising the producer's rich introduction. With Friday's show in mind, Chris enquired about Tomasz's surname: His Loveliness confirmed it is Austrian, but some debate as to its meaning. It appears certain that the "Schafer" part means sheep, so Tomasz mused that it probably means shepherd.

Chris remarked he thought the name had a great meter {ii}, and loved saying it. Chris then asked if any of Tomasz's family come from Austria: Tomasz commented that he been discussing this with his father recently, and the Schafernakers he knows of, are largely of Polish and Russian extraction.

Chris then discussed Tomasz's first name, confirming the correct spelling and pronunciation, which enthused Chris. The Schaf self-depreciatingly chuckled that most of the mail he gets, is misspelt. Even so, I think it's a wonderfully distinctive name, don't you?

Finally talk turned to the the item which intially attracted the show's interest and praise from Moira Stewart, that was the rain-gauge. Tomasz discussed its construction, before the three-minute limit elapsed.

Here's the link, which expires on Sunday...
Fast-foward to 02:07:13

Enjoy!





{i} For those outside the UK, that's not the actor Chris Evans, rather a (in)famous media magnate.

{ii} Better than iambic pentameter, even.

Marvellous Moira

Those listening to Chris Evans's Radio 2 show this morning will have got a nice surprise, as The Schaf was mentioned not once-- but twice!

Firstly a texter called John, mentioned His Loveliness's video on the BBC website (drink me) about building a rain gauge, in reference to the torrential rain southern England received yesterday. Unfortunately John had a case of sausauge fingers, and missed out the F in Schafernaker, leading to a strained pronunciation of Tomasz's surname.

>00:59:48

However worry not, because the legendary Moira Stewart was at hand to educate Chris, of the delights of the Weather God, and the correct surname. She called Tomasz "interesting" no less!

1:01:15

So who knows, The Schaf may very well turn up on Monday's breakfast, to explain himself. So watch this space... (88 to 91FM for UK listeners)

In the meantime, Tomasz's report from The Great British Weather, on St Elmo's Fire. Well sort of... the audio is there; but instead of the film, we have a slide-show of Portknockie and sundry relevant pictures. Half a loaf is better than no bread at all, I suppose. Enjoy!

Moray magnificence

It was the last episode of the current series of The Great British Weather on Wednesday, Tomasz once again confined to a recorded report.

This time he had been to the village of Portknockie, in Moray (Scotland), to explore St Elmo's Fire. Not the 1980s film or the accompanying John Parr song you understand; but the atmospheric phenomenon, which seriously afflicted the town in 2007.

Resident Fraser Milton recalled the night when a severe electric storm formed over the town; of such a ferocity, it caused sockets to explode out of walls. The culprit for this? St Elmo's fire. It is when a thunderstorm becomes so highly charged and super-heated, that nitrous oxide in the atmosphere turns to plasma, the fourth state of matter. The plasma form of nitrous oxide becomes ionised and manifests itself in blue streaks, wreaking havoc upon anything electrical.

This phenomenon can readily, but safely, observed within a plasma ball. One of those globes, with streaks of plasma emanating from the power source in the centre. If you run your hands over the surface of the globe, the plasma 'follows' your hands' movements. If you're a pilot you may see St Elmo's fire up in the clouds, from the comfort of your cockpit.

I'm told by my spies that the BBC were happy with the show; the viewing figures were decent (mostly down to The Schaf I'd say!) and another series could be planned for the winter. I would hope Carol Kirkwood would do it on her own though, she has the presence and knowledge to it-- plus no more Larry Lamb larking with lame chromakey (nothing against the man himself by the way, but what were you thinking Larry?)http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Nor do I have anything against Chris Hollins and Alexander Armstrong personally; they just seemed to superfluous and stilted on this show, especially when they are not weather experts. The former is better suited to serious serious journalism, the latter to comedy acting and gameshows-- that's what they are respectively good at after all! That's my tuppence-worth anyway.

For UK, Man and Channel Islands folks:
39:05 onwards

Finally best of luck to Tomasz for his bike-ride from London to Brighton this weekend. Fingers and other phalanges crossed.

Happy holidays, wherever you may be going....

A fishy tale

Another episode of The Great British Weather yesterday evening, Tomasz was soley {i} confined to a pre-recorded slot.

This edition saw Tomasz finding Nemo... in East Ham. There have been 600 recorded incidents of rainstorms involving fish in the UK-- and I'm not codding you {iv}. In 1998, there was even an occurence of frogs raining from the sky. "Shirley you can't be serious", I hear you cry. Yes I am serious, and don't call me Shirley {ii}

Tomasz's voyage of discovery took him to East Ham, where in 1984 a garden was littered with fish after a rainstorm. The householder was convinced these fish had fallen from the sky; the explanation was that a fishmonger had dumped surplus stock into his garden (it happens). That was until the householder found fish in his gutter!

So a fish-curator at the National History Museum {iii}, inspected the fish carcasses-- and found that they were a common species in the Thames. The theory was a heavy storm could've caused a small waterspout; these create vortices of ~200mph, capable of sucking up anything three feet below the water's surface. These fish would've been transported via air-currents for a few miles, before being deposited.

Last episode of TGBW, let's hope he makes a live appearance, preferably in shorts! The latest episode, for those in the UK and Crown Dependencies:
Tomasz appears 15m 35s in

In other news, Tomasz is supporting a London to Cape Town bike-ride, although it's unclear if he will participate. Also there's another London to Brighton ride too




{i} Yes, another fish joke
{ii} RIP Leslie Neilsen. That line gets me every time
{iii} Such a job does exist!
{iv} All these fish jokes are giving me a haddock

A-moooo-sing

Some bad news and some good news regarding The Great British Weather last night. The bad news is that Tomasz was confined only to a recorded part of the show; a bizarre choice given his charisma, popularity and expertise-- and how warmly viewers have responded to his segments in the show.

The good news is that his report was up to his usual entertaining, informative and well-humoured standard. The Schaf was sent to near Abergavenny in Monmouthshire, to discover whether cows really can predict forthcoming rain.

According to folklore of yore, a herd of cows lying down in a field is portent of rain. His Loveliness liased with two charming dairy farmers Jim and Kate Bevan, who let Tomasz get his equipment {i} out in one their fields full of bovine friend. So is this theory right, or a load of bull proverbial?

Tomasz set his up weather-station; a LCD read-out of air-pressure, wind-speed and temperature, plus his very own lovely eyes cast skyward. A baleful cloud came towards the field, but the cows remained upright and ambulant. Surely enough it did *not* rain.

Later the cows decided to walk under some trees, and lied down. Tomasz didn't sense a rain-shower coming, nor did his equipment-- but lo a minute-long shower came! Tomasz mused that nature can sense something, but it's a question of how reliable it is; this prompted Kate to quip that the same could be said for weathermen, causing Tomasz to laugh heartily.

There are theories as to how cows can sense the change in weather, they have some kind of sensor for air-pressure change or wind-speed; it is easier for their digestive-tracts to sit down and chew the cud while it rains.

It's a shame Tomasz is not used more on the live sections of the show, but I understand he has pre-recorded segments for the next few episodes.

For those living in the British Islands, here's the i-player link, fast-foward to 12:40, to see Tomasz's slot. So to speak.



{i} Weather equipment, before you start sniggering

Cornwall cameo

After months of absence, Tomasz finally returned to our screens on The Great British Weather, as reporter. Joy unconfined, albeit a relatively brief joy.

He appeared around 34 minutes into the programme, firstly in the form of a report. We saw a sun-dappled Tomasz strolling across the North Pennines moors, musing upon that old weather adage: "Red sky at night, shepherd's delight; red sky in the morning, shepherd's warning" {i}.

He spoke to Cumbrian shepherdess Rachel Marston, who explained the weather is important to her, so she knows when to bring the sheep in (and other such things). She also stated that the theory "is more or less true". Indeed there is a basis in this; red skies occur when the sun is at a low angle, making the light refract red light. If there is clear skies in the west (most of British weather comes from the west), then there will rich red sunsets.

However "more or less" is not good enough for The Schaf, so he enlist Rachel's two daughters to keep a check on the theory. Rachel and daughters turned up at TGBW's live location of St Ives in Cornwall, along with His Loveliness. The results pretty much backed up the theory; "we don't need Tomasz", joked Rachel. Not to worry Tomasz, because we were treated to nice close-ups of you and you looked a treat in shorts.

Despite Tomasz's brief appearance on the show, there is more online, and you don't even need to press your red button. It appears Tomasz's strand in the show, is to explain whether weather folklore is true or not:
Drink me

Also two videos from the Blue Peter garden, featuring The Schaf giving us some practical advice-- not just how to look good in jeans and a navy t-shirt:





An i-player link for tonight's programme as yet to materialise, at the time of typing... but maybe a kind soul or two will have recorded it on that there Youtube. Pretty please. Maybe there will be screen-grabs too. So I may well update this tomorrow...

Meanwhile a shot of the set at St Ives.


Tomasz with Michael Fish, the BBC's longest-serving weather forecaster. Tomasz explains: If you watched last night's show, you will have found out that Michael gets whacked on the head with an umbrella each time he gets his forecast wrong! I'm hoping his prediction for next week's show is wrong!! ;) LOL............I'd do it gently of course! ;)



Finally Tomasz's take on the forthcoming St Swithin's Day:
There is no evidence to back it up, but it's not as silly as you might think. There is scientific evidence to suggest that if the summer continues to be unsettled (frequent spells of rain and only short periods of warmth+sun) beyond "the middle of summer" (ie now-ish), our chances of getting better weather vanishes. Basically, the Jet Stream "get's stuck in a rut" and is unlikely to shift. So, perhaps the bad weather in the coming days is, in fact, an ominous sign!

{i} Red sky in the afternoon, shepherd's house on fire. Alright, I made that bit up

It'll be alright on the night

The Schaf is making his last-minute prep for the first episode of The Great British Weather tomorrow. That is BBC1 19:30 for those in the British Islands; although I have no doubt you have it indelibly etched into you diaries!

Tomasz has kindly uploaded a couple of sneaky-preview {i} pictures onto Facebook and Twitter. Firstly, Tomasz doing his John Craven tribute, with the bright-red waterproof coat {ii}...



And here's Tomasz in more chique wear, lookingly effortlessly attractive...





I'm sure Tomasz will wow everyone with these new programmes, and show us all what we've been missing.

Meanwhile, if you fancy a wry chuckle, one of Quentin Letts's dispatches. Mr Letts is a columnist for the Daily Mail: So you may expect him to write of matters of grave national importance, political machinations, corruption in public life and so on. So what did he get indignant about last week? He whinges:"Windbags! Why can't TV weathermen cut out their self-indulgent prattle", without checking his mirror first.

Firstly Mr Letts shoots himself in the foot, by falling into the trap of prattle himself: "Forecasters could not appear superior boffins. They had to be popularised, made one with the lowest common denominator". He makes the all-too-frequent error of thinking the lowest common denominator is a bad thing. See here

Inevitably he mentions The Schaf: "Now we have the likes of Tomasz Schafernaker, posing topless in a gay magazine in his spare time". So what if he did, what's it got to do with his abilities as broadcast meteorlogist? This leaving aside the fact that Tomasz left the of BBC weather forecasts months ago, so Mr Letts is a little off the mark with "now".

Still he can always pick on the undeserving Chris Fawkes, who disgraces himself by having interests outside of work, mostly... wait for it... sports. Apparently parachuting is particularly objectionable; Mr Letts then clamours "nurse" {iv} and wishes to cut Chris's parachute strings. I think the nurse needs to visit Mr Letts first, if the anodyne Chris Fawkes inspires thoughts of murder in QL.

Then there's the unfortunate Alex Deakin who is a "pingy and zingy keep-fit type". What do these forecasters think they are doing, looking after themselves, instead of breathing and living meteorology. It's enough to make you burn you Licence Fee isn't it, and smash your telly up (BBC can ruddy well pay for the bill too).

Even worse Deaks has personality, a jovial one at that; poor Liam "dreadful windbag" Dutton was equally chastised by right-minded Feedback {iii} listeners, for much the same reason. Mr Letts goes one better, and then castigates weather presenters for ditching received pronunciation: "[It] has been replaced by a wittering Babel of regional accents, jagged Northern vowels, Fenland dipthongs, Estuarial glottal stops". It's not like the BBC should reflect the fact that it broadcasts to those outside the M25, or that only 5% of the British populace speak like Brian Sewell or Emma Thompson

Then of course chez Daily Wail, conformist austerity is the order of the day; cheeriness and individuality is to be condemned. Otherwise it may cause house-prices to collapse, which will make paedophiles give your lager-lout kids cancer. Or something.

{i} Antoin de Caune. He's gone quiet, hasn't he?
{ii} Rumour is, John is surgically attached to it.
{iii} A programme on Radio 4, where morally-upstanding radio listeners impart their views on BBC broadcasts, by impersonate Mrs Tembe from Doctors.
{iv} I feel Barry Cryer cringe from here

Radio Times

The lastest edition of Radio Times, features a large feature about the Great British Weather programme, airing next week. BBC weather forecasters past and present appear, including The Schaf.

Tomasz pictured with Carol "Schmirkwood" Kirkwood, in some cute shots. So impressive is His Loveliness, he appears inside the front cover too!







The magazine is also worth buying, because there are fun interviews and photoshoots with other forecasters; such as Alex Deakin {i}, Laura Tobin, John Kettley, Bill Giles and Michael Fish and others. The Radio Times edition in question, is out today.

Meanwhile, Tomasz has been having fun in the Blue Peter garden...






{i} In shorts, on a deckchair, for all you Deaks fans out there.

An a-vest-ing sight

A couple of small pieces of news...

Firstly the first episode of The Great British Weather is on BBC1; 13th July, early/mid evening. I'm sure you'll do his His Loveliness proud, and tune in.

Secondly Tomasz has now completed his photo gallery. Some superb photos thereon; but I got stuck on this one, for some reason.

The weather is set to be fine over most of the UK, mostly clear skies and temperatures of ~20C. I'm heading off for a walk up Cadair Berwyn tomorrow, to catch some of the scorching Powys sunshine. I won't wear a vest though, because I'd look like Mr Muscle {i}

Hope you have a great weekend, whatever you're doing.

{i} Other brands of sink-unblockers available.

Avocado adversity

As The Schaf himself says, a strange post on Facebook from him today...

Not weather related...and somewhat of an unusual post for me but:
Has anyone noticed lately that something is wrong with avocados? They don't taste like avocados used to and, they go off within 5 minutes of buying them. I think someone's been messing with them.

I would like to find out what's going on with our avos so let's form an Avocado Army and get to the bottom of this. We demand an explanation, we demand justice! Lets raise our humble spoon to the once deliciously creamy avocado and fight 'til guacamole's kingdom come my green warriors!

Oof, all very John Shuttleworth. Up there with cardboard tray disappearing from Bounty bars. So answers on a postcard... well a post on his Fbk wall anyway. I always thought Tomasz was more of a cumquat or cucumber man myself.

Brighton or bust

Some unfortunate news regarding Tomasz's charity bike ride to Brighton. He had tackled the dreaded Ditchling Beacon, was descending into Brighton just three miles from the end-- and disaster struck. He came off his bike, but mercifully lived to tell the tale. The Schaf tweeted:

Nearly crashed into car with couple feet to spare. Two flat tyres and a dodgy back wheel later.Phew. Only few cuts... was aiming for 3h25min. For the record,not put off by cycling!No pain no game ;). Got to laugh.Just glad a couple of plastic cones saved...dont ask how, they just did

I'm reliably informed that he escaped with 'just' bruises and cuts, thankfully avoided being pancaked by a car. Oh well, there's always next year Tomasz, chin up and don't pick at the scabs on it. Recover soon [thumbs up]

Tomasz's new website

As you may have gathered from the imaginative post title, Tomasz has a new website-- very informative and well-constructed it is too!

The main news is that The Schaf will be featuring in a new programme examining the British obession with the weather-- it will be called The Great British Weather. The programme is to be fronted by presenter/actor Alexander Armstrong{i}, Carol Kirkwood (BBC Weather) and Chris Hollins (of BBC Breakfast and Watchdog fame).

Veteran forecasters Bill Giles, Michael Fish and John Kettley will also be making appearance-- plus the main man himself. So what will Tomasz's contribution be? He will join the TGBW team across the country; as they visit Cornwall, the Lake District and Greenwich (London) on its tour with a live and local audience at each destination. No doubt Tomasz will swamped by his adoring fans at these live events, he'll need a bigger entourage than Lady Gaga.

I also note from Twitter, that Tomasz has done a photoshoot with Carol Kirkwood for Radio Times-- I'm sure we all look foward to reading that edition of the magazine.

There are some other gems within the website, other than heart-stopping photographs of His Loveliness? I'm heartened to see that Tomasz doing the London to Brighton bike-ride charity {ii} again this year, for The British Heart Foundation. I'm not aware of any Just Giving page (or equivalent) just yet, I shall inform you, when one is created.

Also Tomasz has officially confirmed his departure from the Met Office, as of the end of March this year. He comments:

I’ve had a fantastic time working for the BBC on behalf of the Met Office and feel that I’ve been shown amazing support during my 10 years’ service. Their continued support contributed to my being presented with the TRIC Weather Presenter Of The Year award, an award which I was very proud to receive.

At this time I have many plans in development which will see me remaining within the world of weather as well as me exploring new avenues. I’m very excited about what the future holds but remain very grateful to the Met Office for my time in an organisation which is respected throughout the world, and which I’m only too happy to remain an ambassador for.

Just to prove Tomasz can laugh at himself (contrary to what some bilious Daily Maul readers, and bitches on certain Internet forums, may think), he has featured his infamous salute to erstwhile bromance-buddy Simon McCoy. Quoth The Schaf:

Those who know me, often remember me for my colourful on-air bloopers and the subsequent Youtube profile. The ‘finger incident’ generated over 5mln hits on Youtube (see media section) but, I’d still like to think I’m generally regarded as a good forecaster!

Well I for one think you are a good forecaster, Tomasz. The fact you have a bit of personality, you are an indivudal, not a 'polictical correct' {iii} drone nor anodyne autocutie, is one of many reason why I respect you (I'm sure many would agree). As for your humourless detractors, their cavilling remarks say more about them, than they do about you. There's a lot to be jealous of!

Finally if you have any enquiries, there is the option of e-mailing Tomasz's agent, Tim Reed.
tim@timreedmanagement.com

Especially professional enquiries. I reckon it's time we revived Strange But True, with Tomasz at the helm-- c'mon telly producers-- make it happen. I'm sure if the Internet's populace can revive Wispa and get Rage Against The Machine to Christmas #1, I'm sure we can make this happen to Tomasz. Yes.

Indeed Tomasz's website is so darn good, I feel my blog and I are becoming obsolescent [self-aware chortle]



I don't even know what Tomasz is doing with his left hand here^.

{i} Pimm's o'clock chaps!
{ii} Alright then "charidee"
{iii} For want of a better term

A beacon of Brecon

An update from His Loveliness on Facebook:
Wish [I] could give all the details for this new series but the 'big bosses' say I need to wait for a 'go ahead'. Nature and weather is the focal point. Excited about it as it's the first of a number of projects.

He has been been discovering "dodgy weather" in the Brecon Beacons, and indeed it did piddle it down in Powys today. A nice photo of Tomasz showing off his anemometer, as well a jawline as stunning and defined as Pen-y-Fan itself:



There was also a picture of a unimpressed-looking cow he uploaded, definitely not as endearing as Tomasz!

Croydon facelift

Some intriguing Tweets from His Loveliness today, been filming in a certain borough of Greater London it appears:

[I'm] having the most hilarious(!!!) day interviewing interesting/bizarre characters in the street in Croydon. I can't stop laughing. Someone help. Who says Croydon is uninteresting lol...had a whale of a time lol. [Then I] was in east London, ended up with the crew at the Natural History... what an unusual day of filming I had around London today; from a paranormal expert to a 'fish professor' lol. Off to Wales tomorrow.

It's no wonder Kate Moss turned out the way she did. And a fish professor eh? Who says fish aren't intelligent. So any Croydonites {i} spot Tomasz out and about-- or even spoke to the good man himself? And I wonder which part of Wales he is going to?

I hope the weekend's weather was kind to you. I headed up into the Cheviot Hills and Kielder, lovely fresh and cool up there, beautiful part of the world. Despite what sundry internet bitches say, Tomasz can laugh at himself. His considered opinion of last night's weather? "What a muddy sh*te this evening's weather has been. Flamin nora! Or wet nora".

Let's hope that The Schaf filming continues to be fun, and I cannot wait to see the end product. Starting a new job can often me nerve-wracking...



{i} Or whatever the correct demonym for a Croydon resident is.

Bliss

The title is how Tomasz describes today's weather. Although warm weather is not my bag, there was 47% humidity today, so at least a fresh breeze; however photograph of Tomasz, more than compensated.





As one Tweeter had it, "check out those guns"... yes always nice to see *those* biceps {i} and *that* cheeky smile. The eagle-eyed amongst you will notice that in Tomasz's shades, he has his legs out for us as well. Bliss indeed.

So you don't think I'm completely shallow, I do admire The Schaf's VJ mastery: Tomasz opened Youtube channel a short while ago, which can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/user/tomaszschafernaker

A couple of examples of his work, with contrasting weather conditions. Hail...


And today's sunny weather. No doubt if Brian Sewell watched, he'd say it's a conceptual piece about the nobility of a bee...


I hope you all have a good weekend, whatever you do with it.

{i} Forearms are pretty darn hot too, and I'm not talking just temperature.

PS:
On a sad note, I'm sorry to report the sudden passing away of Andrew Reeves last night, who had set up the Bring Back Tomasz Schafernaker page on Facebook. My thoughts go out to his family and friends.

Carry on camping

The Schaf is on the prowl at present, filming a new television series: A long trip up to the north of the UK awaits. Off to explore the great outdoors and do some filming for a new telly show coming soon. Will keep you posted via Twitter.

It appears his travels have taken him to Cumbria; thinking along meteorlogical lines, Cumbria is England's wettest place {iii}, so that perhaps explains Tomasz's interest in the place. Could also explain why he is putting up a tent {i}...



That looks like the North Pennines to me: The Cumbrian side of the Pennines is infamous for Britain's only named wind, the Helm Wind. It's a north-easterly wind which blows down the south-west slope of the Cross Fell {ii} escarpment. The Helm Wind is the only named wind in the British Isles: It reputedly takes its name from the cap of cloud which forms above Cross Fell, known as the Helm Bar.

The Helm Wind is a local example of the strong foehn winds that can blow down-slope in the lee of mountain barriers (notably in The Alps) Research into the wind was carried out by a glider-pilot called Gordon Manley in the 1930s. He interpreted the phenomenon in hydrodynamic terms as a "standing wave" and "rotor"-- a model confirmed in 1939 by glider flights. The Helm amplifies winds from the north-east, and can be extremely destructive in the nearby Vale of Eden. Will Tomasz experience this phenomenon?

So if you are dropping by the Hartside Top Cafe in the next day or two, you may see The Schaf in there supping on cuppa and chomping on a cream horn.



{i} Not a euphemism
{ii} Cross Fell is the highest peak of the Pennines, near Penrith.
{iii} Officially Borrowdale. Well according to John Craven, it is.

Douze points

So Eurovision is over for another year, congratulations to Azerbaijan {i}. The UK's middling entry got a middling position in the results. Everyone's favourite bequiffed Irish singing duo, Jedward {ii}, confounded many expectations by not winning. Their performance screamed EV-- plus their noterity is widespsread. Then again Dustin The Turkey is another infamous Irish cultural export, and noterity didn't work then.

Anyway what do I know, with my prehensile drivel? {iii}. For there is a new Eurovision guru in town. Forget memories of Sir Terrence and his tipsy tittle-tattle; or the nasal narration of Graham Norton, or even the gentle purr of Ken "one year oot" Bruce on Radio 2.

For we have The Schaf, and his Eurovision tweets. His comment on EV in general? "The excitement is truly euphoric! My head is literally in the Stratosphere. LOL ;)". He's taller than he looks.

If you missed EV, here's Tomasz's verdict thereon {iv}. A disclaimer from the man himself first though: "I'm sure I'll upset a few with rubbish commentary later on ;) LOL". Certainly some familiar phraseology hidden herein (sic, severally)...

> My fave in no particular order: Hungary, Azerbaijan, Russia...and of course UK and Poland (out).
> Yes, my Polish countrymen (ladies) didn't quite sing to tune the other night. Ah well.
> Well I guess Austria is OK
> Like Netherlands, catchy
> Slovakian barbie dolls...it's ok.
> Moldova! LOLOL. Moldova singers reminder me of mental Smurfs.
> Sweden, Thumbs down from me.
> Cyprus. Not for me.
> Well Bulgaria ain't terrible, average I'd say
> Only liked the first 5 seconds of Macedonia!
> Dana! This will be good! Lol Israel...Ding Dong say no more LOL. Good! {iv}
> I've been to Slovenia. Wonderful country.
> there's a lot of legs going on in this Eurovision. Starting with Poland the other day...
> Romania classic lol. It's ok. He got his pants from Jack Black the pumpkin man or was it Beetlejuice!
> Is just me who isn't that keen on Estonia's entry. I see the London Eye behind!
> Latvia. I'm not singing along.
> What song does the Danish entry remind me of? WHAT THE...lol!
> Flamin heck!! #Jedward #eurovision LOL
> Finland: is it just me, or is it plain boring? Its just "ah thats nice" LOL. Thumbs down from me.
> BosniaH: not for me. Thank you LOL. Nice fireworks.
> Jedward Hair Denmark i like.
> Lithuania: its all just Fog Fog Fog. She's only 'just' in that dress LOL
> Hungary: like a storm. Blew me away. LOL ...but, why wasnt there more energy on the stage! No win me thinks.
> Jedward: BBQ SUMMER
> Sweden: WHAT A WASHOUT. like uk Weather.
> Estonia: DRIZZLE...or dribble.
> Greece: A bit unsettled LOL (cold front, warm front?...make ur mind up)
> FRANCE: ...in fact his hair looks like a birds nest? ;) Weather looks nice behind...shame about his hair LOL
> Russia: good job they got the letters the right way round.. electrifying lol
> GEORGIA: oh gawd. It's like forecasting snow...a NIGHTMARE.
> SERBIA: it's all isobars!! LOL. Multi colour!
> UKRAINE: she'll take off into the stratosphere with those shoulderpads.
> SPAIN: like a breeze. Quite liked it.
> ICELAND: what a load of frozen balls! LOL Remind me not to shop in iceland LOL.
> SLOVENIA entry: lotsa warm fronts. Lost count.
> AUSTRIA: if it's not her head in the clouds it's certainly her legs lol..,where do They stop LOL
> ROMANIA entry: its like our like few summers in the UK...r
14 May
> GERMANY entry: off to nowheresville
> Moldova: MUDDY SHITE (sorry)
> AZERBAI'BOTTLE'OF'JAM: warm and sunny, thumbs up ;)
> UK: another BBQ SUMMER...im feeling.
> Switzerland Background: TVam weather? Or maybe 'Sunrise' on SKY? LOL
> ITALIANO: pianful...just like my forecasts that have gone wrong.
> AZERBAI'BOTTLE'OF'JAM: warm and sunny, thumbs up ;)
> I just Lost £10.Finger up to that!! *grunt*

I like the way Tomasz's updates got cheekier as the evening wore on, perhaps Tomasz was following Terry's Wogan's tradition, and having a little party. But then again The Schaf is down with the kids.



Of course there alternative ways of enjoying EV, as Mr Wogan explains, fast-foward to 2:10...



But back to Tomasz, he has a message for his Twitter followers: "Raising a toast to my 6000 followers...many thanks everyone! :)"

PS: Best of luck to Dan Corbett, who is leaving the BBC, and indeed the country! Off to forecast in New Zealand. I believe his last broadcast was on Five Live this morning. A great forecaster, who will be missed from our airwaves. Goodbye, for now...

{i} Clearly EV has the power to accelerate continental drift eastward. I expect Bangladesh to win next year
{ii} I'd miffed, I were Jonathan Grime-- his brother hogs all but one letter of their pormateau name
{iii} "The square root of nothing", you all say in unison
{iv} Hire him *now* as an EV commentator, Beeb! Well obviously not right now, the competition won't be around for another year.

Carping on

Forget the Clegglett {v}, Alex Salmond {i}, slow vote-counts in 'Norn Iron' and the Osama conspiracies {ii}, there are more pressing things in the world.

Tomasz has now posted a nice video on his Youtube channel of a recent visit to London Aquarium.



Once you get past the shark, it's quite a relaxing video. You can almost meditate to it, and breathe out your lower chakra. As a few Facebookers and Twitterers have suggested, The Deep in East Yorkshire is a great place to visit, reputedly the world's only subaquarium

It appears that the BBC's summer weather show will be airing in July, I suspect His Loveliness may well appear in it. I hope he does: Not only to put straight the cynics {iii} who think the BBC wanted shut of The Schaf; but I think it would also be a nice sign to the Met Office, who snubbed Tomasz.

Doubtless it's not just the Beeb who are interested in him either. I bet he's more special offers than the Co-op {iv}

Finally, my linguistic prowess does not extend to Spanish (or is the following Portuguese?), so if any Iberian readers or those with knowledge or said languages, could decipher the following comment left hereon.

Desde luego este chico está para salir como quiera, con ese torso y esos pectorales, es una pena tenerlo en la TV, preferiría tenerlo en la cama.

I do have some knowledge of Latin, so I'm under the impression the above is a benign comment. Hmm.

Personally I've always found Tomasz electrifying. Adios amigos



{i} As Frankie Boyle said: "Least Salmond looks like a proper Scot; in that he has the cholestrol level of a fried egg, and his heart only beats twice an hour". Nice.

{ii} I won't believe it, until the video is shown-- preferably on You've Bin Framed. It would also show Osama's burial at sea-- preceded with Osma being strecthered off a Norwegian cruise-liner. Unless of course he isn't dead, and Donald Trump has him at Guantanemo Bay, with Osama's testicles wired to a car-battery; that's to teach him a lesson, they haven't started questioning him yet. Or he's working at a chippy with Elvis and Lord Lucan somewhere in Rochdale.

{iii} Or Daily Maul and Metro types, as they are otherwise known.
{iv} Other supermarkets available
{v} David Cameron is refusing to release photographs, to confirm that Nick Clegg is dead.

Moody mother nature

Easter greetings, Schaffanatics. A treat more welcome and tastier than my large Cadbury's {i} chocolate egg, is an update from Tomasz.

On that there Facebook, he informs that his website is to be updated and revamped. Fingers crossed that he reveals news of his next ventures; I should imagine some will be forthcoming, now Tomasz has parted company with the Met Office. For those heliophiles out there, His Loveliness has this message:

I'm amazed with this April hot spell. We are *well* on track for a record warm month. Temps keep climbing, maybe 28C for some this weekend. I sure hope May is nice! Just shows how moody mother nature is; we seem to be swinging from mega-cold to mega-hot in a space in a season. Although he informs of a smog warning over the coming days.

I'll be heading out into the fresh air of Lancashire, for a tour around the Forest of Bowland and Pendle Hill. I'm told the locals of Luhancashurrr have stopped burning witches on the summit of the latter.

I hope you all have a great Easter, whatever you're doing. For those of us missing His Loveliness on television, a delve into the archives courtesy of Terratec...



{i} Other brands of chocolate available. Unless Cadbury's were to send me lots of free chocolate, then I would mention the brand in every blog post!

Springing to life!

The spring equinox is almost upon us; fittingly a glorious work of nature has come of out of hibernation, I speak of Tomasz of course.

A missive from the great man himself, via Facebook:

Hi everyone! It's certainly been a while. A lot has been happening with me lately and I'm looking forward to exciting new projects. I'll let you know the details very soon! In the meantime, Spring is just around the corner!
Tomasz ;)

So have faith Schaffanatics, for a new dawn approaches; projects with our Tomasz involved, are inherently exciting. A case of watch this space, as Brian Cox might say.

In the meantime, His Loveliness leaves us with a stimulating serene spring scene.

Loopy

Many thanks to the kind contributor who sent me the linked for to this website. {vi}

So I'm Tomasz's "Barry George", plus "Jesus Christ {i}, some of those posts are stalker-esque". Oh dear... least they have given me a good laugh. I can only imagine have led sheltered lives or just have no sense of perspective-- because they clearly have no idea what *real* stalkers are like. I have the 'honour' of dealing with stalkers on a professional basis, and their activities are far more distressing and sinister than this harmless and benevolent blog.

For those benighted Moopy users' information I don't hang around Tomasz's house, steal his underwear, follow him around, grope him, constantly send him flowers or plan to attack him. And ye gods, I don't even have a "Schaf t-shirt"-- I can only apologise to Schaffans for that oversight.

The stuff I put on here about Tomasz, has been in the public domain: Be it Twitter, Facebook, his own website or BBC television/radio, some stalker am I! Hardly rummaging through his bins. I don't even know where he lives, and I respect his privacy. I'll concede I very much like him on multiple levels; but I know Tomasz is waaay out of my league, and wouldn't be interested in me 'in that sense'. So I'm not writing this, in some delusional ploy to get into his pants-- I'd be at the back of a very long queue!

Actually I started this blog over a year ago, after much suggestion from fans of Tomasz online, and fans that I knew (it hadn't occured to me, to do one previously): A way of gathering all the clips (thanks Mike and Dom), articles and Tomasz social-media musings into one place-- to wit a fan-club. Given that his Facebook page has garnered well over 6000 followers, Tomasz has a TRIC under his belt and this page gets hundreds of visitors *a day*, I like to think site is justified. So to denigrate me, is to denigrate all his fans and wonderful readers who like this site.

Of course the irony of some of those comments from Moopy-loopies, is they don't realise Tomasz is "very flattered" by my blog-- he's even kindly emailed me to say so. He didn't have to do that (no I didn't co-erce him either). I've also had people close to Tomasz emailing me, thanking me for the support (I also know from Statcounter, that a number of people from the BBC read this site). Tomasz and these other people know they are quite welcome to email if there is issue with anything I post-- as yet they haven't-- I intend for it to stay that way.

Back to Mopy, I've been described as "really being a nutcase"-- praise indeed-- projection I thnk they call it. Those who aren't conversant in droll humour or (post-modern) irony {iv}, would likely to think of me as barmy. Then again contributors there didn't 'get' the obvious irony deployed by Tomasz, regarding the Petalgate incident; so the level of self-parody of parody of a self-parody I employ, will pass them by. And they call me humourless and pretentious... anyone would think I'm lampooning their pomposity or something. Then again they would consider any pretentious, who uses words over three syllables.

Indeed if Tomasz's humour passes over their heads, they will indeed never appreciate "the Schafernaker-love one bit". Perhaps they are as shallow as a birdbath, or perhaps they are need in psychiatric assistance (are they as obnoxious and spiteful in real life, or are they just that way via cowardly online alter-egos?) Some posts thereon are suggestive of the latter...

"He's a prick, he should be struck by lightning", in fact {v}. Also poor Alex Deakin, is "one creepy bastard" (a case of projection possibly). He's jolly and affable, so it makes sense that the Moopy-loopies would object to him. Another irony is that these snipers on Moopy (or Youtube and sundry Internet sites) never seem to realise that their acrid comments {i} say more about them, than their intended target. In other words, what is the purpose of their shrill comments?

Do they have low self-esteem issues, so they have to make themselves feel good by slagging off somebody popular {iii}? Are they so jealous or threatened by Tomasz, thus they have to attack him to assuage those feelings? Easy to see how someone can be jealous of Tomasz; since he's very talented, intelligent, well-liked and handsome. Or perhaps they secretly fancy him, and can't hack it.

Or it could they are deeply unhappy, self-hating and cynical people full-stop; they have the anonymous comfort of the Internet to vent their spleen on everything on anyone. There are far worse people in the world to get angry at than The Schaf-- the haters out there should get some perspective. And learn how to use the off-button on their remotes, while they are at it.

Speaking of perspective, I'm not "going to do anything rash" about The Schaf's departure from BBC Weather. I haven't topped myself, surprising I know! Thankfully not all of us see the world through jaded eyes, and Tomasz is the sort of positive person to see the termniation of his Met Office on-screen role, as a fresh start. I have little doubt Tomasz will be back on our airwaves before too long, and I'm confident that 2011 will be the dawn of a whole array of exciting things for him.

As soon as anything is officially confirmed for Tomasz's future, I shall be all too pleased to impart that information, to my marvellous massive or Schaffans (whose loyalty to the man himself, is second-to-none) here.



PS: Many THANKS for the shouting-at-traffic RESPONSES from a couple of people at Moopy, clearly my POST touched a nerve, nay struck a chord; WONDERFULLY proved my point (and have not got the irony), QED the above. After all why read, and repeatedly comment about, a blog on somebody they dislike? That's a bit stalker-esque by their standard (as is recommending a Huw Edwards blog, ye gods!) Personally I think the Dan Corbett one is far better.

Although the point on being jealous was about being envious of Tomasz, and not of my contacts and success; perhaps a Freudian slip on their part, unless their level of comprehension is on par with their idea of "love" (well I did use subtle humour, rationality and correct orthography in my post, without being shrill).

With the above paragraph in mind, I would point out that the comments above are not aimed Moopy as a whole. Just those users who are not embued with self-awareness, and do not recognise their peevish comments insult themselves far more than me, my readers or Tomasz.


{i} He died for all our sins.
{ii} Often semi-literate and replete WITH randomly capitalised WORDS. What do they stand for? Clearly not au fait with the bold function.
{iii} The more well-liked a person is, the more the denigrating the insults
{iv} Or poly-syllabic words
{v} Also a "liablity" too. Any more than his other colleagues? Amazing how a liablity attracts so many fans and wins a presitgious award.
{vi} I haven't, and don't intend to, contribute to the site. By the way

Snorkling snaps

Tomasz has entertained us with a hat-trick of links on Facebook today. First a link from Nasa. Tomasz comments:
How complex is our Climate: Here, in the UK, we've just been breaking records when it comes to winter weather and *yet*, 2010 (and 2005) was overall the warmest year on record across the planet-- when all is averaged out. Seems that many places are warming but some areas are actually cooling. I know where we are!

Secondly ring inspections reveal why the Roman Empire may have fallen; nothing to do with the Bottom Inspectors in Viz, but a reference to tree-rings. Finally the lame title of today's blog-post, alludes to this National Geographic piece, about a Thai person diving down somewhere fishy and staying down a long time. There are stage-shows like that in Thailand-- so I hear.

In other news, Tomasz finds this weekend's weather grey, but "waaaarm". I thought Tomasz was from Gdansk, not South Yorkshire. Az tha bin t'Baaarnsleh lad, tha knaws? Sithee.

No news as to Tomasz's future: Given that Rob McElwee did his last onscreen performance last week, I imagine Tomasz's Met Office contract has elapsed. No news from Tomasz, is good news. To use modern parlance {i}, I hope His Loveliness is 'cool' at present.



{i} I is down widda kids, innit blud.

Wszystkiego Najlepszego

Happy birthday to Tomasz! He turns 32 today, and is looking ever more piekny with every passing year. I trust Tomasz will have an excellent birthday, no matter how he may celebrate...



Intriguingly quiet on the Tomasz front of late, no twittering or Facebook updates. He was scheduled to appear this week, in the customary lunchtime slot-- but he was supplanted by Alex Deakin and Dan Corbett {i}. I hope Tomasz hasn't been ill over the past few days, he had mentioned being "under the weather" (!) just before Christmas.

I like to be optimistic, and speculate that no news is good news: In other words he has been discreetly busy with something that will herald a nice fresh start to 2011. Remember the wise words of Eric & Ernie...



{i} Nothing wrong with the dapper Alex Deakin of course, nor Dan Corbett. The latter came out with a gem today: "And it's bye-bye to that weather front; off he goes, we don't want to see him again".